Choosing to divorce is hard; telling your children is even harder. As parents, we want to protect our children from getting hurt, but we realize it’s impossible.
While you can’t eliminate the sadness they’ll feel when you tell them you’re getting divorced, there are some ways to make it a little more bearable.
It’s not their fault
Today’s families seem to be on the go constantly. But the first step is setting aside a time when all of you can sit down together and talk. This will ensure everyone has plenty of time to speak and ask questions. When choosing a time for your conversation, avoid holidays, birthdays, important exams or a big school event.
How you approach the conversation depends on your children’s age. For toddlers and preschoolers, keep it simple and reassuring. You might tell them that mommy and daddy are going to live in different houses, but reassure them that you both still love them very much. Avoid going into too much detail about why you’re divorcing.
If your children are school-aged, explain the situation in a way they can understand, such as the two of you have decided you can be better parents to them if you are apart. Acknowledge their emotions and let them know it’s okay to share their feelings with you. Most of all, reassure them that it’s not their fault and that divorce is a decision that adults sometimes make.
Teenagers can handle more complex explanations, so you can go into more detail about your reasons as long as you are respectful and don’t badmouth each other. Encourage them to express their opinions and feelings and involve them in some of the discussions when it’s appropriate.
One of the most important components of informing your children about the divorce is emphasizing that both parents will continue to love them and will be actively involved in their lives. Be prepared to answer their questions and consider counseling if they continue to struggle with their emotions.
